My thoughts on Ravinder Singh's new book, "This love that feels right", Open marriages and love outside marriage
This love that feels right, based on the concept, “you can control someone’s actions, not their mind”, is a thought provoking take on open marriages and emotional bonds outside marriage.
The book beautifully explores how an emotional void in a relationship can lead to a man or a woman seeking companionship outside marriage, and no, they are not wrong. At the end of the day, we are all human beings, and crave to be deeply understood, valued, and respected by our partner. But when these basic human needs are not satisfied, a man or a woman tends to become more vulnerable to share their innermost feelings with someone who understands, values and respects them. Emotional void is as good as suffocation, and who enjoys that?
Of course! Every marriage goes through its ups and downs. You cannot give up on someone you love, just because you had a fight/difference of opinion. Of course not. But what when someone takes the efforts to make things work, but their partner is still indifferent to them? What when the commitment to make it work, is just one-sided? And what when, despite all the efforts, you still feel suffocated in your marriage? What then?
The author nowhere encourages infidelity, but what he rightly encourages is to “break free” from relationships that do not make you happy; from people who do not make you feel loved & valued; bonds that do not make you feel understood; and eco systems that do not make you feel respected.
Another contemporary setup that Ravinder Singh explores is the rising open marriages and the social conditioning that patronizes them.
There is an un-ending debate going on about the basic nature of human beings in terms of being monogamous or polygamous. I personally feel that you cannot generalize.
But then, what can also not be discounted is the fact that monotony in intimate lives of married
couples is a reality. Just that some people are comfortable with it, and some are not.
Ravinder Singh, with all due respect and grace, discusses the perspective of people who are not comfortable with the idea of monotony in their intimate lives.
Attraction to opposite sex is as natural as attraction to anything else we desire. We don’t always give into all our desires, but what when your attraction is so strong towards someone, that supressing it pervades each and every aspect of your life, including your marriage? And interestingly, although your attraction for someone is that strong, the person you love, is still your partner! You would never take the kind of efforts/make sacrifices that you make for your partner, for the person you are attracted to.
Your partner is still the one you want to come back home to, feel the sense of belonging to, wanting to have babies with and grow old with! The person you are attracted to, with all due respect, makes you feel wanting to explore your intimate side.
What would you do in such a situation? Would you let the suppression of your desires affect your marriage or would you go and discuss your dilemma with your partner?
And it is these situations that give rise to open marriages. And the world patronizes them! Why? Is wanting sex a crime? Open marriages are all about CONSENSUAL Intimate encounters, with your “partner’s knowledge”. Yet, a lot of us, look down on people who are either into them, or talk about them positively.
The book painfully points out how, we as a society, have made sex-something that is a natural human need-a make or break parameter to determine someone’s character.
It was high time that someone spoke about the so-called “taboo” topic, and Ravinder Singh has slayed it with this book. Congratulations Ravin!!!